


Tell Me Where You're Hiding Your Voodoo Doughnut

by galacticsugar, petalrock



Series: Double Cheeked Up: Cake in Two Parts [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blatant Stupidity, Getting Together, Liberal use of the word fuck, M/M, Mutual Pining, Swearing, Target, Voodoo Doughnut, baked goods for meg, dog expert luke hemmings, extremely vague tfios references, gender fluid dog, hoodie sharing, idiots to lovers, it's a ruse!, paranoid calum hood, reassuring arm touching, tell me where you're hiding your voodoo doughnut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29685576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticsugar/pseuds/galacticsugar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalrock/pseuds/petalrock
Summary: This is definitely not allowed. The housing contract that Calum signed many moons ago states it very clearly.Pets of any kind are not permitted in the dorms, with the exception of approved service animals.But the terrible people that make these rules don’t understand.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood
Series: Double Cheeked Up: Cake in Two Parts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181474
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Good rising! Welcome to **Double Cheeked Up: Cake in Two Parts.**
> 
> This is a little project we’ve been working on for weeks(!?) now. Originally, we wanted to write cake for each other and make the other person fall in love with our respective crushes, but somehow we ended up writing it together, which turned out the be The Fucking Move. 
> 
> What we've done is written two different stories with two different parts, with [petalrock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalrock) writing Luke's perspective and [galacticsugar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticsugar) writing Calum's perspective for both stories. **Chapter 2 includes a bonus scene of new content!**
> 
> For Part 1 (Tell Me Where You're Hiding Your Voodoo Doughnut), Chapter 1 was written by [galacticsugar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticsugar) and Chapter 2 was written by [petalrock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalrock).
> 
> We think it turned out pretty well. And even if it didn’t, we had a fucking blast writing and reading and laughing hysterically. Hopefully that translated into the actual fics!
> 
> Oh also MEG ([kaleidoscopeminds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidoscopeminds)) was _absolutely_ onto us, so...here's what we've been hiding from you, meg! hope you enjoy!

This is definitely not allowed. The housing contract that Calum signed many moons ago states it very clearly. _Pets of any kind are not permitted in the dorms, with the exception of approved service animals._ But the terrible people that make these rules don’t understand.

There’s a pet supply store on campus that Calum makes a point to visit every Tuesday afternoon, when the local animal shelter sets up a little playpen inside the store and fills it with dogs that need homes. It’s on his way back to his dorm after media analysis class, and taking a few minutes to pet the dogs and coo over how cute they are always brightens Calum’s week. He feels bad every time he leaves; has to force himself not to look over his shoulder longingly at all the dogs he can’t take home with him.

It was inevitable that eventually he’d see a dog he couldn’t leave without. He knew it would happen; knew it was a bad idea to keep tempting fate, but Calum’s never really been good with willpower. It’s a little white dog that catches his attention, a poodle mix of some kind, with coarse-looking white fur that’s surprisingly soft to the touch and big, shiny brown eyes.

It’s not just that she’s cute. She’s so quiet and calm, content to snuggle in Calum’s arms, licking his wrist lazily when the mood strikes her. Calum can imagine how he could actually keep her in his dorm room and no one would be the wiser. The animal shelter employee informs him that she doesn’t shed and that’s all it takes. He knows he’s going to go home with this dog.

He names her Rice Ball, because she kinda looks like one, and because he’s kinda hungry. It’s not too difficult getting her into his dorm room – he just zips her under his coat, letting her little head poke out of his collar. Once he’s got her inside, he starts panicking. It’s possible he did not think this through.

He starts going down a mental checklist of all the things he didn’t bother to consider before signing on the dotted line. He needs dog food. He needs toys – preferably toys that don’t make noise. He needs to figure out how the fuck to take Rice Ball outside for walks multiple times a day without anyone catching on to him. That’s a big one. Most college kids are oblivious and incredibly busy, and Calum sees his RA so rarely he can barely remember what he looks like, so _maybe_ it will be okay. But probably not. Shit. Why does Rice Ball have to be so fucking cute? He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. _One thing at a time, Calum._ He can do this. 

***

The first time he takes Rice Ball outside, Calum opens his door a crack and peeks around the hallway surreptitiously. He’s going to use the coat trick again, but it’s not going to hold up if anyone gets too close to him.

The hall looks empty, so he gently picks up Rice Ball and slides her into his coat, then attaches her leash to her collar. He opens his door again, and just as he’s about to make a break for it, none other than Luke Hemmings steps out into the hallway from two doors down and makes eye contact with Calum. Calum’s heart starts racing, half from sexual panic and half from actual panic.

Well, fuck. Luke has spotted him, and he’s smiling, and now Calum has to make a decision: run away from Luke with Rice Ball, or hide Rice Ball in his room and flirt with Luke. He looks from Rice Ball’s big, sweet brown eyes to Luke’s big, sweet blue eyes; now getting closer as Luke walks towards him. 

“Sorry, Sweet Baby Rice Ball. I’ll be back soon, promise,” Calum whispers, quickly placing her back on the floor of his dorm and shutting the door. He really hopes she doesn’t make a mess on the floor, but he wouldn’t blame her if she did. He’s an awful parent, putting his crush on his neighbor in front of the basic needs of his child.

When he turns around, he’s face-to-face with Luke’s smile. He stumbles backward slightly, slamming his shoulder into his own door. “Hey, Cal,” Luke says. “Off to class?” He’s watching Calum intently, and it makes him nervous. Did Luke spot Rice Ball before Calum got his door closed? He needs to play this very carefully.

“Nah, I’m done for the day.” Calum leans against his door frame in what he hopes is an extremely casual but also alluring way.

“Oh, cool. Where are you off to then?”

What is this, a cross examination? It’s a great question, though. He’s wearing his coat, after all. “Um. Just getting some coffee. I have a ton of homework tonight and figured I could use some caffeine.”

“Jitters?” Luke asks, naming the nearest coffee shop.

Sure, why not. “Yeah.”

And then Calum makes the mistake of letting himself really look at Luke, taking in the blue of his eyes and the slope of his nose and the cut of his cheekbones and the way his curly hair brushes against his temples, and he’s reminded of the real reason he’s here talking to Luke instead of taking Rice Ball outside. “Wanna come?”

It’s not the smoothest line, but Luke gives him a delighted smile. “I could go for a latte.”

He hadn’t really meant to accidentally invite Luke to the coffee shop, and now poor Rice Ball is going to have to wait even longer for a proper walk. But Calum likes to think he’s good at rolling with the punches, and if one of those punches is his hot neighbor, he figures he shouldn’t complain. “Get your coat. It’s fucking cold out.”

***

August 27th, 2020. The day Calum moved into the dorms, and the day Calum first spotted Luke. He was standing in the hall, laughing his ass off at something on his phone as Calum staggered down the hallway with a box under one arm and his life-size cardboard cutout of Charlie Puth under the other. Their eyes met and Calum blushed, because Luke was hot, and because he caught Calum carrying around a cardboard cutout of Charlie Puth.

Which, like. He wasn’t _that_ embarrassed. It’s supposed to be funny. An inside joke; a dorm-warming gift from his high school best friend, Michael. But Luke didn’t know that. And yet…when Calum passed him in the hall, Luke just raised his eyebrows and smiled at Calum. “Hey, neighbor,” he said. “I’m Luke. Need any help?”

Calum silently considered the offer, sizing Luke up. He’d offered to help, he didn’t seem to be passing judgement on Charlie Puth, and he looked really good in his blue sleeveless shirt. Calum shoved the cardboard cutout into Luke’s arms. “Sure. You can carry Charlie.”

Luke took the cutout as Calum shifted his cardboard box into both hands and led the way two doors down to his room. “Calum,” Luke said, reading the sign on Calum’s door.

“That’s me,” Calum replied, setting his box on top of the desk and pointing to the corner of the room. “You can put Charlie over there by the window.”

“That makes sense. Give him a good view,” Luke said agreeably, gently placing the cardboard cutout in the corner, angled toward the window.

He said it – like it was just a given. That was the exact moment Calum realized he was completely gone for Luke, despite having known him for approximately three minutes.

***

“What’s new with you?” Luke asks, fidgeting to stay warm while they wait for the walk sign to cross the street to Jitters.

They don’t usually do this sort of thing. They’re hallway friends. _Maybe_ they’ll end up in each other’s rooms for a few minutes to talk, like when Calum overheard Luke listening to The Academy Is… and wanted to fangirl with him about it, or when Luke saw Calum watching the newest _Star Wars_ movie and wanted to compare notes. Calum doesn’t even know if Luke has a boyfriend. Girlfriend. Whatever. He panicked when he asked Luke along, desperate to spend time with him, but also desperate to get him as far away from his room and Rice Ball as possible.

“Not much,” Calum says. He cringes at how awkward he sounds. He can’t talk about Rice Ball, and he can’t think of anything else to talk about. It’s an embarrassment to Calum’s normally-superior flirting skills. “What about you?”

“My parents just got a new dog,” Luke replies, eyes lighting up. What the fuck. That’s a pretty big coincidence. “I’m going home this weekend so I can meet her.”

Calum chokes on his own spit in the middle of the street. He starts coughing violently, and Luke has to pull him the rest of the way across. “You okay, man?”

“Fine,” Calum sputters. “Just swallowed wrong.” This is what Calum gets for putting flirting, if you can even call it that, ahead of his dog.

“We’ve all been there,” Luke says with a laugh, leading them into Jitters. _Have we?_ “His name is Soy Sauce.”

“What?” This isn’t possible.

“My parents’ new dog. His name is Soy Sauce.” What the fuckety fuck. Luke _has_ to know. There’s no way Luke’s parents just _happened_ to get a dog this week and name it after the perfect condiment to compliment rice balls. There’s just no way. Luke must know about Rice Ball somehow, and he’s trying to get Calum to spill.

“That’s cute,” Calum squeaks out, trying his best to play it cool. Luke has no proof, and he intends to keep it that way.

“You like dogs?” Luke’s looking at the menu board, but his eyes keep cutting over to Calum. Suspiciously, probably.

Calum keeps his face as relaxed as possible. “Yeah. I’ve never had one before, though.”

“That’s sad.” Luke pouts a bit, and it seems genuine. But Calum is onto him. Luke’s just trying to distract him with his alluring lips, get him to slip up and share the juicy details on Rice Ball. Two can play at that game.

“It’s okay,” Calum says. “Maybe I’ll get one someday.”

“I think it’s going to be hard to leave Soy Sauce at home. I’d love to sneak him back to my dorm,” Luke says. Calum forces a laugh. It’s difficult, because he has stopped breathing entirely. Luke is looking at him strangely. Of course he is. Calum is being extremely strange.

Luke tries to meet Calum’s eyes, but Calum can’t seem to hold eye contact for more than half a second without averting his gaze nervously. “Fortunately there are other cute things for me to play with on campus, so I don’t need to break the rules by having a dog,” Luke continues, eyes burning two holes into Calum’s face.

Goddamn, why is it Calum can only get the attention of a hot guy when the guy in question has apparently decided he’s some kind of amateur Inspector Gadget, intent on turning Calum in for his outlawed dog? Still, Calum wouldn’t mind seeing what kinds of gadgets Luke has under his coat.

“Same,” Calum says, scratching nervously at his neck. Wait, is that dog hair on his coat? He brushes his hand across his chest to swipe away the potential evidence. Luke is watching, smiling, with a mix of confusion and curiosity in his eyes.

The confusion is great. Calum has successfully flummoxed him, and that seems like a good thing. The curiosity, however…Calum needs to figure out how to put an end to that as soon as possible, before Luke gets proof of Calum’s rule-breaking.

They get their drinks and walk back across the street to the dorm. Luke leaves Calum at his door, bidding him good luck with his homework and patting Calum on the shoulder. Probably checking for more dog hair, that cheeky fucker. Calum waits in his room for 15 minutes to make sure Luke has moved on with his life before he sneaks Rice Ball outside for her walk.

***

  
Calum might be in love with Rice Ball. She’s so fucking sweet, always happy to curl up against Calum’s side while he’s doing homework, or snuggling in his lap while he watches Netflix. She’s shockingly quiet and well-behaved - he hasn’t even heard her bark yet; just an occasional low growl when the hallway shenanigans get particularly rowdy.

Looking in her eyes makes Calum want to melt into a puddle on the floor, and Calum has never been more proud of anything in his life than the little satisfied grunts he pulls from her when he scratches around her ears.

***

There are entirely too many brands of dog food in the pet aisle at Target. How is Calum supposed to know what Rice Ball likes? It’s not like they offer samples. He decides his best course of action is to find whatever bag of dog food features the photo of a dog that most closely resembles Rice Ball. He’s scanning the shelves when he hears a familiar voice.

“Calum?”

He looks up, and of course it’s Luke. Motherfucker probably followed him to Target. He’s trying to catch Calum in the act of buying dog food. He looks awfully good, though, taking advantage of the unseasonably warm day to wear a denim jacket that matches his eyes. His hair is slightly windblown, and it looks like someone was just running their hands –

– No. Calum will not be distracted by Luke’s wiles.

“Hey, Luke! Fancy meeting you here.” Calum cringes. He has never said that _in his life_. What is wrong with him?

Luke chuckles kindly, like Calum said something cute. Damn, he’s _good_. “Stocking up on dinner for the week?” Luke asks.

“Yeah. Cheaper than the dining center. Tastes better, too.”

Luke laughs, an enthusiastic wheeze that Calum is familiar with hearing from down the hall, but has never actually witnessed in person. It’s a sight to behold. Luke throws his head back, and his eyes squint almost-shut, crinkling in the corners, and his grin is so wide it seems to take up half his face, and the dimple on his right cheek stretches from a period to a parenthesis. It is impossible for Calum not to smile back.

The laugh is also so genuine, it makes Calum wonder if he misjudged Luke’s motives for being at Target. Maybe he doesn’t have malicious intent after all. (He probably does, though. What are the odds he’d end up in the pet aisle otherwise?)

“I’m here to find a toy for Soy Sauce. I want to bribe her into liking me when I’m home this weekend,” Luke offers, answering Calum’s unspoken question. If this whole Soy Sauce thing is a ruse to try to catch Calum out, Luke is really committing to it. Calum would actually really appreciate that if he weren’t the target of said ruse.

“Maybe this one,” Calum says, pointing at a stuffed sushi toy. Seems appropriate.

Luke reaches out and squeezes the sushi toy, and it makes an ear-piercing squeak. He smiles slyly and pulls it off the hook. “Perfect. That will drive my parents crazy.”

Now Calum is facing a dilemma. Luke’s standing there with the sushi toy, smiling at him expectantly, and Calum’s just hanging out in the middle of the pet aisle in desperate need of getting a bag of dog food, but he _can’t_ with Luke watching him. They’re at a stalemate. Calum needs a plan.

He starts backing away from Luke slowly, with the intention of just going to another part of the store and killing some time until Luke leaves. “Well, nice running into you, Luke. I’ll see you around.” He picks up his pace, heading down the aisle with purpose.

“Wait!” Luke calls after Calum.

His sneakers squeak as he skids to a stop, and he slowly turns back around. Is this it? Is Luke finally going to confront him about Rice Ball?

“Yeah?”

“Do you want a ride back to campus?” Luke asks, a shy little smile on his face. How dare he. “We could stop at Jitters again or something.”

This devious fucker is going to be the end of Calum. He really needs to buy dog food, but turning Luke down would be suspicious. There’s also the issue that regardless of his apparent vendetta against Calum and Rice Ball, Calum is still obnoxiously delighted by Luke. He _wants_ to go to Jitters with Luke, badly, but he already chose Luke over Rice Ball once this week; he’d feel really terrible doing it again.

Maybe he can scare Luke away instead. “Oh, um. Sure. As long as you don’t mind stopping in the condom aisle.”

Luke’s eyes widen a tiny bit, but then he shrugs. “Sure.” Damn it. Why is this kid so agreeable? “Big plans for the weekend, then?” Luke teases.

Calum scoffs. “Not exactly. Just want to be prepared should the need arise.”

“Do you expect it to, um, _arise_ anytime soon?” Luke chuckles awkwardly at himself and Calum is utterly charmed. Does Luke know what he’s doing to Calum? He must.

“Well, it arises all the time, theoretically,” Calum says, leading them into the health and hygiene corner of the store. “Just not always in situations where I need condoms.” The words are just pouring out of his mouth; he has no control over them, and he isn’t sure he’s forming real sentences.

Luke quirks his head to the side, looking at Calum quizzically. “We’re talking about your dick, right?”

“Obviously,” Calum says, rolling his eyes. He needs to figure out his next move. He has to shake Luke soon or he’ll end up leaving with Luke, and he’ll have to make _another_ trip to Target later today to get the dog food.

“ _All the time_?” Luke repeats. “You should probably get that checked out.”

“That’s rich coming from you. It’s usually your fault.”

Luke laughs; a quick, sharp bark. “If only.”

Calum doesn’t really process the words, still too busy trying to work through a way out of this situation. If he doesn’t think fast, he’s going to end up at Jitters with Luke, a box of condoms, and no dog food.

***

That’s exactly what happens. Luke watched him select his condoms, they went through the self-checkout, and now they’re sitting at a booth by the window at Jitters, iced coffee on the table to celebrate that it’s actually warmer than freezing outside.

“What is that?” Calum asks, eyeing the shiny pastry on Luke’s plate. Of course Luke is one of those people who can’t say no to dessert. Calum should have known. He has that look about him. It’s part of the appeal, honestly. 

“Kouign-amann.” Luke holds his hands out over the pastry, presenting it like it’s Miss America or something. The late afternoon sun is streaming in the window, lighting up Luke’s face in a golden glow, and maybe Calum isn’t that disappointed he’s going to have to go back to Target later. This might be worth it.

“Gesundheit?”

Luke rolls his eyes, but Calum catches the hint of a giggle; a little wheeze escaping his nose. “They’re really good. Want to try some?”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on your pastry.”  
  
Luke ignores him, tearing off the outer layer of his kouign-amann and holding it out to Calum. He takes it, popping the whole thing in his mouth in one go. He’s taken aback with how much flavor is contained in a thing that really just looks like a glorified piece of bread. He will never again judge pastries on looks alone, because this is _delicious_ , sweet and soft and crunchy all at once.

“Told you,” Luke gloats, a smug smile on his face as he watches Calum chewing blissfully.

“I’ll never question your taste in sweets again,” Calum promises.

“Do you want to see some pictures of Soy Sauce?” Luke asks excitedly. 

Okay, so between the sushi toy and Luke’s willingness to show Calum pictures of this alleged dog, perhaps that part of Luke’s ploy is actually true. But c’mon. He’s still not convinced _Soy Sauce_ is really the dog’s name. That has to be Luke messing with him.

Calum gives Luke an _are you kidding; of course I want to see an adorable dog_ look, and Luke holds his phone out across the table. Calum takes it, and maybe he lets his fingers brush against Luke’s on purpose. He sees Luke smile out of the corner of his eye as he studies the photo on Luke’s phone. It’s a curly-haired woman, with a striking resemblance to Luke, holding a small, fluffy white dog in her arms.

“Aw, she’s cute! Reminds me of –” Shit. He’s playing right into Luke’s hands. “—my cousin’s dog.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Luke says dreamily, looking at this phone with a little smile as he takes it back from Calum. “You’re cuter, though,” he says under his breath, almost an afterthought. Calum’s not even sure he heard right. 

He needs to get the conversation off the topic of dogs, posthaste, for his own sanity. “So Luke,” he starts, figuring he’ll find his way as he goes. Luke takes a bite of his pastry and looks at Calum expectantly, maybe hopefully? And it’s nice, Calum decides. He likes being looked at this way. Too bad he has nothing interesting to say. “Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?”

“My what?” Luke asks, pausing in the middle of licking glaze off his fingers.

“Biggest celebrity crush. You know. Like, do you want to fuck Captain America or are you more of a Poe Dameron sort of guy?”

“Oh. Um. I don’t know if I really have one.”

“You don’t have a celebrity crush?”  
  
“I prefer real-life crushes,” Luke says with a shrug. “At least then I can pretend there’s a tiny chance I might actually have a shot.”

That’s actually kind of cute, though Calum is loath to admit it. “I guess. I’m a Thor man myself,” Calum says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“Ah, you like ‘em beefy,” Luke says, nodding.

“It’s not about the beef,” Calum says. “I like his eyes.” It’s true. Calum has a real weakness for pretty blue eyes. In fact, pretty blue eyes are the exact reason he’s in his current predicament, sitting at Jitters trying to convince an amateur sleuth that he doesn’t have an illegal dorm dog.

Luke scoffs. “Sure you do.”

“I do!” Calum argues, indignant. “I can’t believe you think I only want my celebrity crush for his hot body.”

“I can’t believe you like Thor when Hawkeye is right there,” Luke replies, shaking his head.

***

It’s getting really difficult for Calum to leave his dorm room _without_ running into Luke. Lately it seems like Luke is there every time he turns around, and some of those times, Rice Ball is tucked under Calum’s coat. Luke _has_ to be snooping. There is no other logical explanation, and one of these times Luke _is_ going to catch Calum with Rice Ball.

Calum’s tried switching up his schedule, shifting Rice Ball’s usual trips outside to different times to try to avoid Luke. And still, twice this week, Calum has been walking back to his room after taking Rice Ball outside, only to see Luke stepping into the hallway. Both times Calum made a beeline for his room and quickly shut the door behind him.

Tonight, Luke actually knocked on Calum’s door. Who does that? He _must_ know something; he’s trying to get a peek in Calum’s room and confirm his suspicions.

To help soothe his anxiety, Calum constructs a makeshift pen for Rice Ball in the corner of his room between the end of his bed and the edge of his futon and lines it with blankets and toys. He puts Charlie in front of it, effectively blocking the area from view from anyone just glancing into the room. Now every time someone knocks on his door, he can pop Rice Ball in the corner to keep her out of sight.

***

There’s a dark, musty back stairwell that Calum usually uses when he takes Rice Ball outside. It leads to the parking lot of the dorm, and there’s a wooded area at the back side of the parking lot where Calum can take her and be fairly shielded from view. The stairwell doesn’t get much foot traffic, since most of the cars in the lot belong to building staff that work on the first floor.

It’s a Wednesday morning, college-student-early still, and Calum thinks he might hear someone behind him on the staircase as heads outside with Rice Ball. Not a big deal. As long as they don’t see Rice Ball zipped under his coat he’s safe. 

Once he’s outside, he crosses the parking lot and sets her in the dead, brown grass behind the tree line.

“You’re up early.”

“Jesus fuck!” Calum exclaims, heart in his throat as he turns around to see Luke staring at him from the curb of the parking lot.

He gets a good laugh at Calum’s harried expression. Asshole. Good thing he’s hot. “Sorry. I was on my way out for a run and I saw you out here.” Luke gestures at himself as if somehow the fact that he’s wearing joggers and a T-shirt backs up his statement. Like that’s not exactly what Calum wears pretty much every day of his life regardless of activity.

“Oh! A dog!” Luke suddenly says, voice dripping with delight in a hideously adorable way that Calum absolutely cannot stand. “Can I pet it?”

Calum nods absently, and Luke squats down and makes grabby hands for Rice Ball, who eagerly nudges into Luke’s hands and licks at his nose.

This is bad. This is very bad. Luke has now seen Calum with Rice Ball outside the dorms at 8 a.m., and there is literally no good explanation for this. Although Luke seems more concerned with petting Rice Ball than questioning why Calum is outside with a dog right now. “What’s—her? —name?” he asks, looking up at Calum through his eyelashes, smiling widely. Fucking hell.

“Rice Ball,” Calum chokes out. “Her name is Rice Ball. I walk dogs sometimes. For extra cash.”

Luke picks up Rice Ball and stands, snuggling her up to his face and laughing when she tickles his cheeks with her tongue. That little slut. How dare she make moves on Luke before Calum has a chance to. “Oh, are you on one of those apps or something? I’ve thought about doing that just for a chance to hang out with some dogs.”

“Yeah, an app,” Calum echoes, hoping that Luke doesn’t ask him any more specific questions because he’s not mentally prepared to make up the details of a dog-walking app at 8 a.m. How the hell does he keep ending up in these situations with this cute boy? God is a homophobe. 

“It’s cute that you do that.” Luke gently sets Rice Ball back on the ground. “Do you have a set schedule?”

Great, Detective Luke is back. Calum barely even had time to revel in the fact that Luke called him cute _again_ and now he has to be back on guard. It’s fine. He can deflect. “Not really,” Calum says. “Do _you_ have a set schedule for running?”

“Why?” Luke asks suspiciously. The nerve! “Want to join me?”

“Maybe,” Calum says defiantly.

“You should.” Luke looks Calum up and down and _oh_ _does he have dog hair on him again?_ “I wouldn’t mind seeing you covered in sweat.”

“I—” Calum freezes, brain and dick both trying to catch up.

Rice Ball chooses that moment to throw herself onto her back and roll in a pile of leaves, and Luke breaks into a fit of giggles, cooing over her like she’s some sort of magical creature. For a slut, Rice Ball really is a mood-killer.

***

Very early on Saturday morning, Calum wakes up when he feels Rice Ball jump off her spot cuddled next to him in bed.

“What’s up, Rice? You need out?” he asks blearily. She proceeds to puke on the floor near Charlie Puth’s feet.

“Oh, baby, are you okay?” Calum tumbles out of bed to flip on the light, then he goes over to check on Rice Ball. She seems uncomfortable, sitting alert and wide-eyed, and she’s shaking. Fuck. This probably isn’t good. Calum doesn’t know much about dogs, but barfing probably isn’t a good sign. He pets her head gently. “It’s okay, Rice Ball. It’ll be okay.”

He hopes he sounds more reassuring than he feels. He’s actually panicking. Does she need a vet? Are there even any emergency vets near campus? Calum doesn’t have a car, for fuck’s sake. There’s no such thing as a dog ambulance, is there? Shit shit shit. Why did Calum ever think this was a good idea? He’s not qualified to take care of another living thing; he just learned how to swallow pills, like, three months ago!

He needs help, but there’s not really anyone to ask. No one knows about Rice Ball, and he can’t _let_ anyone know about Rice Ball.

Except.

Luke already knows about her, clearly. And Luke’s parents have a dog. He probably knows a thing or two about taking care of them, or at least has someone he can ask. Luke will probably turn him in to their RA and Calum will definitely get kicked out of the dorms, but Rice Ball looks so distressed, and the most important thing is to make sure that she’s okay. He may as well accept his fate.

With a deep sigh, Calum wraps Rice Ball in a fuzzy blue throw and tucks her under his arm. He opens his door and scans the hallway – totally dead, which makes sense since it’s nearly 5 a.m. He tiptoes down the hallway and stands in front of Luke’s door for a couple of minutes, agonizing over whether he should actually go through with this. Rice Ball whimpers and rests her head on top of his hand, and that’s the last straw.

Calum knocks on Luke’s door as gently as possible to avoid drawing attention from any of their neighbors. No answer. Luke’s probably sleeping. He seems like he’s a heavy sleeper. Shit. Calum tries again, knocking more loudly. Still no answer. He scrubs his hand over his face, ready to turn around and go back to his own room to figure out Plan B, when Luke’s door flies open.

“Calum?” Luke doesn’t seem entirely awake. His eyes are bleary, his hair is the picture of disheveled bedhead, and his voice is rough with sleep in a way that temporarily makes Calum forget about his current predicament. “Am I dreaming?” Luke asks, shaking his head violently.

Calum reaches out to stop him, slowly letting his hand fall to Luke’s shoulder. “You’re not dreaming.”

“Then why are you half naked at my door?”

Right. In his haste to get help for Rice Ball, it’s possible Calum had forgotten that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He’s dying to ask Luke if he’s actually dreamed about this, but there are more important things to focus on.

“I need help,” Calum says, and before the words are out of his mouth, Luke is pulling him into his room and shutting the door.

“What’s wrong?” Luke rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, and when he pulls them away from his face he finally notices Rice Ball. “Oh! Rice Ball!” He reaches out to pet her, apparently a reflex that runs so deep it doesn’t matter if he’s barely awake.

“She’s sick,” Calum says urgently. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Isn’t that her owners’ problem? Why do you have her?” Luke’s blinking rapidly, still trying to get himself to the point of being fully alert and operational.

“You can stop messing around, Luke. I know you know.” 

“What do I know?”

“About Rice Ball!” 

Luke looks at him blankly and Calum shakes his free arm in frustration. Why is he choosing now to play dumb? “You know that I’ve been hiding Rice Ball in my room!”

There’s a beat of silence, and Luke recoils like Calum actually punched him in the face. “Um. No I didn’t. Did you _steal_ Rice Ball, Calum?” Luke whisper-yells, and it’d be funny if it wasn’t so fucking maddening. 

“I didn’t _steal_ Rice Ball, Luke,” Calum hisses back. “She’s MINE. You know this. I know you know this.”

Luke’s face scrunches in confusion, and if Calum weren’t so annoyed right now he’d probably find it extremely cute, especially in combination with the bedhead situation. But he _is_ annoyed, and he’s worried about Rice Ball, and he needs Luke to stop messing with his head so they can figure out how to help her.

“I definitely didn’t know that.” Luke says earnestly. His eyes are wide and there’s something behind them that makes Calum believe him immediately. God, they’re so fucking blue. 

“You didn’t?” Everything in Calum’s brain is recalibrating, trying to adjust to the new reality that he just spent a couple of weeks literally running away from Luke for no reason. And _fuck_ , the trip to the condom aisle? Completely unnecessary. 

“No.” Luke suddenly looks extremely worried. “What’s wrong with her?” He bends to look at Rice Ball more closely, and his hair brushes Calum’s forearm, and goddamn does Calum wish this wasn’t happening because of a sick dog.

“She threw up a few minutes ago.”

“And?”

“And she probably needs to go to the animal hospital or something! I don’t know!” Calum says, spinning in a messy circle, because he needs to _do_ something.

Luke’s lips twitch, and he puts a steady hand on Calum’s upper arm to stop his fidgeting. “She threw up once?” His voice is low and soothing and Calum can almost feel his blood pressure dropping to a reasonable level. He nods.

“Anything else? Like, other symptoms?” Luke’s hand is still on Calum’s arm, and reassurance is seeping into Calum’s body from the exact location where Luke’s palm touches his triceps. Maybe it’s a superpower. Maybe Luke is a superhero. Maybe Calum’s the one who should have been suspicious of Luke this whole time.

“She seems upset,” Calum says, tearing his eyes away from Luke to look at Rice Ball’s face. “She was shaking.”

Luke nods, and finally drops his hand from Calum’s arm. “Can you set her down?” he asks gently, backing away to give Calum space.

Calum sets the blanket bundle on the ground and Rice Ball stumbles a little to free herself from her fleecy confines. Once she’s out, she eagerly jogs over to Luke and noses at his shins, tail wagging rapidly. He leans down to pet her, letting himself fall backwards to sit down. Rice Ball wastes no time throwing herself in the gap of Luke’s crossed legs, spinning in a few circles before lying down with a happy snort, her head perched on Luke’s knee. 

Calum watches the scene unfold, half confused that Rice Ball seems… totally fine, and half incredibly angry with himself because he _knows_ he’s smiling like an idiot. One thing at a time, though. “She seems okay now,” Calum says, sitting down on the floor, mirroring Luke.

“Did she eat anything weird recently?” Luke asks, scratching Rice Ball’s neck around her collar. She leans into it, head tilted to the side in pure bliss. Figures that Luke’s good with his hands.

“I don’t know,” Calum replies, trying to remember anything unusual about Rice Ball’s diet. “I guess I did see her chewing on something she picked up off the sidewalk when I walked her last night.”

“Maybe she just ate something that didn’t agree with her, then,” Luke says. “It’s not that weird for dogs to throw up, especially if they get into something they shouldn’t.”

Calum’s face heats, embarrassed at his complete helicopter parent reaction to Rice Ball having a bit of an upset stomach. “Yeah. I probably overreacted. I’ve just never had a dog before, so it freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do.”

“How long have you had her?”

“A few weeks,” Calum says, leaning forward to run a hand over Rice Ball’s back. He keeps his eyes carefully focused on Rice Ball, because he doesn’t have the emotional energy to deal with looking at Luke up close right now.

“And you thought I knew?” Luke asks, voice impossibly close. 

“I thought you saw her the first day I brought her back. You came to my room when I was on my way to take her out.” Calum shivers, suddenly aware of the cold air on his bare torso now that the adrenaline from worrying about Rice Ball is starting to wear off.

Luke notices. “Do you want a hoodie or something?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Calum waves him off. “I should get going anyway. Let you get back to sleep.”

“It’s okay. I can grab you one,” Luke says, leaning backwards and using one of his impossibly long arms to tug open the bottom drawer of his dorm-issued wooden dresser. He feels around a bit and comes up with a navy blue hoodie, which he holds out to Calum. “I can’t guarantee you it’s clean, but I _can_ guarantee you it’s not disgustingly dirty.”

Calum knows better than to turn down hoodies offered by cute boys. “I love a mystery,” Calum says, taking the hoodie and tugging it on. When he pops his head out the neck hole, he sees Luke watching him with a fond look on his face, holding back a laugh.

Luke reaches out his arm and then his fingers are in Calum’s hair, gently shifting his curls this way and that. Calum’s entire body breaks out in goosebumps. “There,” Luke says quietly. “That’s better.”  
  
The moment feels loaded, _too_ loaded for Calum’s tired brain to properly manage, so he does what he does best: ruins it. He lifts the sleeve of the hoodie to his nose and takes an exaggerated sniff. “This is definitely not clean,” he says.

Luke’s eyebrows knit together and he frowns. “Shut up.”

“I don’t mind,” Calum replies with a mischievous little smile. “Dirty hoodie boy.”

“You’re the one wearing it; doesn’t that make _you_ dirty hoodie boy?” Luke argues, fighting a smile.

“Shh. It’s too early to use logic on me.” Calum wraps his arms around his chest tightly, leaning his cheek onto his forearm and taking another, more subtle sniff of the hoodie. Maybe he’s glad it’s not clean.

They sit like that for a while, in comfortable silence, as Luke pets Rice Ball while she sleeps peacefully, still curled up with her head on Luke’s knee. Calum watches the sun rise, tracking the golden light on the gray laminate flooring as it moves closer and closer to their spot in front of Luke’s door. 

***

It’s after noon when Calum finally drags himself out of bed to take Rice Ball outside. He’d gone back to sleep around 7 a.m., once he was sure Rice Ball was okay and had gotten her fill of Luke cuddles. Calum can’t believe he’s this jealous of a dog. 

He’s still wearing Luke’s hoodie. He’s also certain Luke’s not going to tattle on him about Rice Ball. Luke didn’t say it outright, but Calum could just tell. It’s a strange feeling; the relief of knowing Luke’s not going to turn him in mixed with the letdown of putting so much energy into trying to dodge Luke over the past few weeks, only to find out there was no reason for it.

He really should return the hoodie, but he also feels like he owes Luke for waking him up at 5 a.m. for no reason. He’s thinking about that as he browses the grocery aisles at Target, stocking up on his usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich supplies for the week. On a whim, he stops in the pet aisle and peruses the toys, selecting a dog toy in the shape of a chocolate sprinkle doughnut and adding it to his basket.

***

“I have presents,” Calum says, thrusting the hoodie and the dog toy at Luke as soon as Luke opens his door.

Luke scrambles to get a grip on them before they drop to the floor. “Oh, thanks.”  
  
“I was going to wash the hoodie, but then I figured – why bother, since it was already dirty when you gave it to me,” Calum teases.

“I deserve that.” Luke holds up the dog toy. “A doughnut?”

“As a thank you, for your help last night,” Calum explains. “Since you like pastries so much, I figured it made sense.”

Luke nods, a hint of confusion behind his eyes. Calum hopes he’s not scaring Luke away. He decides it’s probably best to give him a little space, so he says goodbye quickly and retreats to his room.

***

The next morning, Luke corners Calum in the trees behind the dorm parking lot as he’s walking Rice Ball.

“Why did you give me a dog toy?” Luke asks accusingly.

“Fuck, Luke, why do you always sneak up on me back here! I thought you were a murderer!”

“Sorry,” Luke says offhandedly. “Why did you give me a dog toy?”

“For Soy Sauce?” Calum is confused at how this is even a question.

Realization slowly dawns in Luke’s eyes and he throws his head back and groans, but it quickly morphs into his trademark squeaky laugh.

“I shouldn’t tell you this—” he starts, interrupting himself with his own giggle. Calum tilts his head in interest. “I thought it was, like. A plushie. For me.” Luke’s cheeks color slightly, a pretty shade of pink that matches his lips. “You didn’t specify!” Luke says defensively as Calum starts to snicker.

“I didn’t realize I _needed_ to,” Calum says. “It had a tag on it that said _chew guard technology_ ; what did you _think_ that meant?”

“I didn’t read the tag!” Luke whines.

“Wait,” Calum says, giddy, “Then how did you realize it was a dog toy?”

Luke breaks into another fit of laughter. “I was sleeping with it last night and I accidentally squeezed hard enough that it squeaked.”

Calum _loses_ it, doubling over with laughter and bracing himself with a hand on Luke’s shoulder, his other arm outstretched as Rice Ball strains at the limits of her leash to try to sniff a nearby tree. Luke laughs along good-naturedly. “You were _sleeping_ with it?” Calum asks, stepping back and wiping at his eyes where tears have formed from laughing so hard. “Were you _cuddling_ the dog toy, Luke?”

“Of course I was,” Luke replies, tone void of any pretense whatsoever. “You gave it to me.”

“Now I feel bad,” Calum says. “It was pretty shitty of me to get a gift for you that’s technically for your parents’ dog.”

“It really was,” Luke says sadly. “Now I’m attached. I don’t think I’ll be able to part with my chew guard technology doughnut.”

Calum grins, genuinely impressed at how well Luke’s puppy dog eyes rival Rice Ball’s. “How can I make it up to you?” he asks.

“Go on a date with me,” Luke says automatically. 

Huh. Now there’s a concept. Calum had been so wrapped up in hiding Rice Ball from Luke that he hadn’t really taken the time to process his recent conversations with Luke. But now that he’s thinking about it, Luke _did_ call him cute multiple times, and imply he wanted to be the reason for Calum’s boners. Okay, so maybe Calum had missed some signals.

But he’s wanted to go on a date with Luke since August 27th, so he doesn’t have to think hard about his response.  
  


“Okay.”

“Okay?” Luke replies hopefully.

“Yeah. We can go to Voodoo. I’ll get you your own doughnut,” Calum says, smirking and holding a hand out to Luke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2, including a bonus scene with the Voodoo Doughnut date!

Luke’s got a choice to make: walk down six flights of stairs, or brave the elevator that smells violently like it’s already been hotboxed. It’s literally move-in day, for fuck’s sake. Either way, he’s got to go back down to the car and get the last of his moving boxes. Both options are looking like absolute shit. 

Stalling, he checks his phone. There’s a notification from Chipotle about some kind of special offer and a snap from Ashton. He opens the latter, and a picture of Ashton's nostrils fills the screen, captioned with  _ smell ya never, stinky Hemmo. _ Luke busts out laughing. Good to know he’s already missed by his best friend. 

His attention is pulled by the sound of someone coming up the stairs and into the hallway. He looks up, and hnng. Wow, that’s a really cute guy. Luke takes in his dark hair and dark eyes and the dark flush on his cheeks, presumably from the blasted six flights of stairs. Oh boy. Luke would like a taste of that blush, yes, please. 

Adding to the drama is the cardboard cutout of Charlie Puth that Cute Kid has tucked under one arm. The other arm is about to drop a large box. Luke to the rescue. 

“Hey, neighbor,” Luke said. “I’m Luke. Need any help?” 

Clearly the answer is yes, but Luke figures he should let this guy decide if he wants Luke’s help. If he says yes, Luke is absolutely going to take that as a green light to romance the fuck out of this boy. He’s never done anything remotely smooth in his life, but he’s always wanted to. And what better way to start off college? Plus, if he gets rejected, it won’t be a big deal. He definitely won’t be haunted by those brown eyes in his dreams. Hmm. 

He’s snapped to the present when he suddenly ends up with an armful of Charlie Puth.

“Sure. You can carry Charlie,” Cute Kid says. 

Luke adjusts his grip on Charlie and follows Cute Kid to his room. The name tag on his door says—

“Calum.” Briefly, Luke wonders why it’s spelled wrong, with only one  _ L _ . Quirky. 

“That’s me,” Calum says, setting down his box. “You can put Charlie over there by the window,” he adds, gesturing to the other end of his room, by the window. Charlie will have sweeping views of the quad. Luke thinks it’s an excellent spot. 

“That makes sense. Give him a good view,” he says. Now Charlie can keep Calum safe from, like, murderers with an aversion to late 2010s pop icons. 

Luke turns to Calum to find him already looking back. There’s something about his gaze—fate? destiny? a horse? that’s making Luke itch to be close to him. Maybe the first letter of Luke’s name is the missing  _ L _ in Calum. Luke decides right then that his new mission is Kiss Cute Kid Calum. It’s probably going to be extremely awkward and painful for the made-up audience in his head watching the sitcom of his life, but that’s showbiz, baby. 

***

Many moons later, and Luke has barely made any progress on Operation Kiss Cute Kid Calum. They’ve talked about Star Wars, like, once. In his defense, college is hard. Also, the only person he has to consult with for advice is Ashton. 

“Knock on his door and drop to your knees as soon as he opens it,” Ashton had suggested over the phone one night. “Then just, like, suck his dick or whatever.”

“Absolutely not,” Luke had said. “I would ask for consent first. I’m a fucking gentleman.”

It’s a little ways into second semester, and Luke decides he is going to use step one of Ashton’s plan: knock on Calum’s door. But he thinks maybe he’d like to start with, like, a proposal to hang out or something. The dick sucking can be scheduled for next week. Or month. Luke is willing to go at whatever pace Calum wants. 

First things first, though, he should probably talk to him. Baby steps. All he has to do is walk two doors down and knock. Easy money. Making his hair look presentable takes a solid five minutes, but he manages. He stops with his hand on the doorknob of his room, suddenly feeling a little lightheaded. Shit. If he gets nervous he’s going to make a fucking fool of himself. None of that yet. He’s got to repress the Weird for at least a couple days until he can tell whether or not Calum will be scared away. Deep breaths. Okay. Show time. 

The Plan immediately goes up in flames when Luke opens his door to see Calum standing in his own open doorway. Fuck. Is he leaving? Maybe Luke can walk him to his next class or wherever he’s off to. Is that too much? Does that seem stalkery? Luke makes his way over to Calum. Is knowing where and when someone goes to a class too intimate for acquaintances? Fuck. Is he overthinking this? 

Calum’s looking over his shoulder into his room, and Luke is close enough now to see the little curls on the back of his neck. Calum turns to face Luke, and damn. He is one good-looking dude. His jawline could grate cheese, Jesus Christ. 

“Hey, Cal,” Luke hears himself say. Really? Right for the nickname? Fuck it, why not. It’s a good nickname. Composure: totally chill. “Off to class?”

“Nah, I’m done for the day.” Score. Luke feels himself relax a bit. That is, until Calum leans back against his door frame, tilting his head a little in a way that puts his neck on display. Luke’s mouth waters. 

“Oh, cool,” Luke says, hoping he doesn’t sound as choked up as he feels. “Where are you off to then?”

“Um,” says Calum, blinking rapidly a few times. “Just getting some coffee. I have a ton of homework tonight and figured I could use some caffeine.”

“Jitters?” Luke asks. He is absolutely not above inviting himself along. Plus, he can’t stop thinking about the absolutely phenomenal hazelnut latte he’d had there the other day that probably had crack in it. That shit slapped. 

“Yeah,” Calum says. Luke watches Calum’s eyes pass over his face, and he suddenly feels self-conscious. Fuck. He cannot let this happen. He’s supposed to be making Calum flustered, not the other way around. “Wanna come?” Calum asks as an afterthought, like he’d forgotten they were in the middle of a conversation. He sounds a little nervous, and his eyes are wide. It’s unbearably endearing. Luke feels his own face explode in a smile. 

“I could go for a latte,” he says. Super casual. Nice. He’s nailing this. 

Calum’s eyes widen even more, like he hadn’t expected Luke to say yes. Even though Luke is basically just imposing himself upon Calum’s coffee date with himself. Wait. Is this, like, a date? Luke desperately wants it to be. But asking straight out would be a level of bold and obnoxious that he’s not ready for. Yet. 

“Get your coat,” Calum says. “It’s fucking cold out.”

***

The coffee outing is a good time. He tries to hit on Calum, but the boy doesn’t seem to take hints. No worries. Luke will just keep trying until Calum either kisses him and mission Kiss Cute Kid Calum is successful, or rejects him, in which case operation Drown Self In Ice Cream begins. Sadly for Luke, however, that week his classes choose to drop-kick his ass to the moon. 

Luke is fucking stressed. Are freshmen supposed to feel this level of burnout? He absolutely does not want to be working on history right now. He’s a math major. This is torture. Dog toy shopping for his parents’ dog feels like the perfect procrastination activity, so Luke abandons his essay after naming the Google Doc and hops in the car. Yeah, it’s weird for freshmen to have a car, but Luke is extremely attached to Petunia. She’s, like, the first Prius ever made. Mostly Luke likes that she’s a nice dark blue. Maybe that’s shallow, but he’s too gay to actually care about cars. 

He pulls into the Target parking lot, checks that both cars next to him are empty, and lets out a scream born from the depths of his soul. He takes a few deep breaths, already feeling much better. Therapy is expensive, but screaming in the Target parking lot comes at the low, low price of free. Occasionally it costs him a few judgmental looks. 

Luke wanders through Target like it’s his first time there, taking extra time in the candle aisle, because it’s fucking bomb. He had to leave all his candles at home, since the dorms are homophobic and don’t allow minor fire hazards. Some big brained individual has left a tub of Philadelphia cream cheese on the shelf. It blends right in with all the candles. Classic Target. Luke sends a snap of it to Ashton. 

He meanders around the corner of the pet aisle, and his day is instantly completely cured.

“Calum?”

Calum’s head jerks up. Damn. Did his eyes get even bigger and more soulful since the last time Luke saw him? Ooh, he looks so fucking good. He’s got on a dark band t-shirt over a white long sleeve. It’s a good look on him. Luke imagines he’d look even better without it. It being clothing. 

“Hey, Luke! Fancy meeting you here,” Calum says. Luke laughs a little, delighted. That’s fucking adorable. Who even says that anymore? What a dork. Luke is enamored. Must everything out of this kid’s mouth make Luke want to ravage him? He’s got to get a grip. Oh god, he can feel a weird joke coming. 

“Stocking up on dinner for the week?” Luke asks. Yikes. Honestly, though, he’s said worse. 

“Yeah. Cheaper than the dining center. Tastes better, too.”

The lack of hesitation catches Luke by surprise, and he can’t stop himself from full-out wheezing. Ashton calls it his deranged grandpa laugh. God, he hopes he’s made it past the point where being himself won’t cause Calum to dial 911. 

“I’m here to find a toy for Soy Sauce. I want to bribe her into liking me when I’m home this weekend,” Luke says, finally catching his breath. 

Calum grins and scans the rack of dog toys. 

“Maybe this one,” he says, pointing to a squishy sushi roll. Very on brand. The only way it could be better is if—

_ SQUEAK. _

Fuck yeah. Luke smiles borderline maniacally, pulling the toy off the rack. 

“Perfect. That will drive my parents crazy,” he says, turning to Calum. Calum looks like he’s solving a riddle. His brows are a little furrowed, and it’s making him look kind of mean. It’s really hot. It suddenly occurs to Luke that Calum is trying to figure out a way to end this interaction. 

“Well, nice running into you, Luke,” Calum says, to Luke’s complete dismay. “I’ll see you around.”

Luke would rather eat the entire cream cheese tub in the candle aisle with his bare hands than go back to his dorm. He doesn’t want to go back to doing work. He wants to spend more time with Calum and seduce him and fall in love and be joined in holy gay matrimony, and Calum is walking away, he’s walking away—

“Wait!”

Calum quite literally skids to a halt and turns back to Luke, looking mildly alarmed. A part of Luke’s mind is telling him that he needs to fucking relax and tone it down. He’s freaking this poor kid out. Hell, he’s starting to freak himself out. But homework allergy aside, Luke just really wants to hang out with Calum. Simple as that. 

“Yeah?” Calum says, sort of tentatively. 

Luke offers him a smile. 

“Do you want a ride back to campus?” He asks. And then, hoping for bold-but-casual and not desperate, “we could stop at Jitters again or something.”

An entire war is fought and won behind Calum’s eyes in about point five seconds. 

“Oh, um. Sure,” he says. “As long as you don’t mind stopping in the condom aisle.”

And now Luke’s thinking about Calum’s dick in public. Wonderful. Also, like, does this mean Calum is fucking someone soon? Several someones? Oh God. Time to play it cool. Luke’s greatest talent. He goes for the Casual Shrug.

“Sure.” Unable to help himself, he adds, “big plans for the weekend, then?”

Calum makes a funny noise in his throat. “Not exactly. Just want to be prepared should the need arise.”

Dear God. Luke cannot just leave that be. He’s but a simple boy.

“Do you expect it to, um,  _ arise _ any time soon?” He snickers at his own joke. Sometimes, he is funny. By now, they’ve left the pet aisle and have nearly made it to the health aisle. 

“Well, it arises all the time, theoretically,” Calum says. “Just not always in situations where I need condoms.”

Cut the cameras. Surely Luke is not having a conversation about his crush’s dick with said crush. Usually he has these conversations with Ashton. Maybe this is an elaborate prank and he’s actually been talking to Ashton disguised as Calum this whole time. Or maybe Calum’s a hologram that Ashton is controlling remotely. Technology has come a long way, and Ashton’s dedication to pranks knows no bounds. It could totally happen. But, like, just to be clear—

“We’re talking about your dick, right?”

“Obviously,” Calum says, and then he rolls his eyes, like he is not at all fazed by any of this. Does he normally talk about his dick this much? Luke should probably find this really fucking weird, but instead he just finds it oddly endearing and hysterically funny. Also, what is a theoretical boner? And, like, all the time?

“ _ All the time _ ?” Luke says out loud. “You should probably get that checked out.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Calum says, and Luke has no time to wonder what he means by that because then he says, “It’s usually your fault.”

Yeah, this is a fucking prank. He gives a fake laugh, hiding real pain. “If only.”

Calum says absolutely nothing, confirming his status as a hologram. A normal person would have noticed Luke’s blatant come-on. Luke is gonna kill Ashton. 

Real Calum would be preferable, but hologram Calum still beats homework, so they end up at Jitter’s a second time. It goes great. Luke shows off pictures of Soy Sauce. They share a pastry, which is like right out of a movie. Maybe Luke spends extra time licking the icing off his fingers. Then, Calum asks Luke out of nowhere if he’d like to fuck Captain America, and Luke is extremely flattered by the casual disregard for heteronormativity. That’s hot. If Calum keeps this up, the words “that’s hot” are probably going to show up in Luke’s Spotify Wrapped Top Thoughts at the end of the year. 

Luke is doing extremely well in the romancing department of Operation Kiss Cute Kid Calum, if he does say so himself. And he does. He calls Calum cuter than Soy Sauce. Luke has never called a person cuter than a dog ever in his life. That’s romantic, right? He also does not pass up the chance to talk about Hawkeye’s awesomeness. He knows it’s an unpopular opinion, but Luke has a thing for men who do archery. Don’t even get him started on Legolas. And Disney’s animated Robin Hood? Gay awakening. 

After that extremely personal Target encounter and excellent second not-date, Luke feels absolutely zero hang-ups about approaching Calum whenever he sees him. Being unafraid to talk about condoms in public and liking Thor for his fucking eyes makes Calum the coolest motherfucker alive, in Luke’s opinion. So he takes to striking up conversations in the hallway, the quad, the dining hall. He tries to keep up some facade of dignity; he doesn’t do more than smile and wave when he sees Calum’s in a hurry. Respecting boundaries is important for any relationship, including this imaginary one. 

Wednesday morning rolls around, and Luke takes his usual route down the dank ass back stairwell to go on his jog. Running isn’t his favorite thing in the world, but it makes him feel better about the pounds of Kouign-amann he consumes on the regular. The parking lot and surrounding forest-y area the staircase spits him out at is usually abandoned. But not today, because standing right there in the trees is Calum. And he’s got a dog! Holy fuck. Luke needs to pet that dog Right Now. Calum’s got his back to the parking lot. Mistake. He’s made himself the perfect sneak-attack target. And Luke is a piece of shit who is absolutely going to capitalize upon it. 

“You’re up early.”

“Jesus fuck!”

Luke laughs uproariously. Calum looks like he’s just peed a little. Fucking gottem. 

“Sorry,” Luke lies. “I was on my way out for a run and I saw you out here.” Luke waves his hands at his designated jogging shirt, a gift from Ashton off Redbubble that has a picture of Jack Barakat in his underwear. Calum doesn’t react, which is sort of disappointing. Actually, Luke thinks he seems sort of distracted. Although, it is horrendously early in the morning for college kids. And Luke did just scare him into next week. 

A little sniff by his feet reminds Luke why he came over here in the first place. Besides, like, the boy. 

“Oh! A dog!” he says. God, he fucking loves dogs. “Can I pet it?”

Calum gives him a nod and Luke instantly pops a squat. The dog is small and white and fluffy. When Luke reaches out, they get right up in his face and lick his nose. Luke is in love. Calum who?

“What’s—her?—name?” Luke looks up at Calum from his position on the ground. 

“Rice Ball,” Calum says, voice kind of funny. Damn, is he really this shook after one jump scare? Luke is starting to feel kind of bad. “Her name is Rice Ball. I walk dogs sometimes. For extra cash.”

That’s the gig of Luke’s dreams. He’s always wanted to be a dog walker. Like, dogs and money? Say less. He scoops Rice Ball into his arms and stands up, which makes her wriggle delightedly and kiss his face. It almost makes up for the fact that Calum isn’t kissing him. 

“Oh, are you on one of those apps or something?” Luke asks. “I’ve thought about doing that just for a chance to hang out with some dogs.”

“Yeah, an app,” Calum says. 

That’s so cute. Luke loves boys, dogs, and boys who love dogs. He is thriving. 

“It’s cute that you do that,” Luke says. Rice Ball starts to wiggle a little more violently, so Luke sets her down. Hey, maybe Luke can actually start walking dogs himself, if the dog owners are chill about hiring busy college students. “Do you have a set schedule?”

“Not really,” Calum says. “Do  _ you _ have a set schedule for running?”

That feels irrelevant. Does Calum want to come running with him? Luke squints. 

“Why? Want to join me?”

“Maybe,” Calum says. He sounds defiant, like Luke has just insulted his hypothetical running abilities. 

“You should.” Luke lets his eyes wander up and down Calum’s body for both dramatic effect and his own enjoyment. There’s a pleasant buzz in the back of his brain that sounds like a loop of  _ mmm, hot boy _ . “I wouldn’t mind seeing you covered in sweat.” 

“I—” Calum opens and closes his mouth silently several times. Oh? Did Luke just make Calum flustered? That totally wasn’t his intention. Winky face. Just then, Rice Ball launches into a leaf pile, and Luke loses it. Impeccable timing. He loves this dog. 

***

“Baking cookies is the only way,” says the giant white sheep standing in Luke’s kitchen. It ruffles its big feathered wings a bit, like it’s getting agitated. Panic grips Luke’s body. He cannot make Angel Sheep mad. Or else. Something bad. 

“I don’t have a recipe,” Luke says desperately. He has no fucking idea how to make cookies. He needs a recipe. He doesn’t have a recipe. 

“You have a recipe,” the sheep says, spreading its wings. They brush against the walls of the kitchen. 

“What recipe? I don’t have a recipe,” Luke repeats. He would know if he had a cookie recipe. Then he would be making cookies right now and there wouldn’t be a problem. He feels lightheaded. 

Angel Sheep’s eyes start to glow red. Then the wooly beast grows in size until it barely fits in the kitchen. Sharp teeth flash in Luke’s vision. Do sheep have sharp teeth? Demon Angel Sheep opens its mouth and—

_ Knock knock knock. _

Luke blinks into Angel Sheep’s frozen open mouth. What? The monster moves again suddenly, drawing back a bit and opening its maw wide to—

_ KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK,  _ says Demon Sheep, louder this time. What the fuck? Then the sheep swallows Luke whole. 

Luke jerks awake. He lies still for a second, taking deep, shuddering breaths. Jesus Christ. This is the third time this month that he’s dreamed about the sheep from the Fall Out Boy  _ Infinity on High _ album cover. Last week, he’d had to shear it. He shudders at the memory. Then he remembers something else. The knocking. Is someone actually here? In a trance, he tumbles out of bed and stumbles blindly across his room and yanks the door open. 

“Calum?” 

Luke’s voice comes out like that of an already dead smoker. Yuck. He blinks a couple times and thinks that maybe he has not woken up yet. Because Calum is standing in front of him, shirtless. To clarify: Calum is not wearing a shirt. Perhaps being swallowed by the  _ Infinity on High _ Sheep was simply a segue into the next part of Luke's dream. 

“Am I dreaming?” he asks, giving himself a shake. Someone needs to pinch him.

A warm hand grips his shoulder, and Luke stops swaying. He was swaying? 

“You’re not dreaming,” Calum says. 

“Then why are you half naked at my door?” 

“I need help,” Calum says. That’s not really an explanation. But Luke would help Shirtless Calum with anything at any time of day, no questions asked, so he grabs Calum and pulls him into his room. 

“What’s wrong?” Luke grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes, praying that it wakes him up more. His vision comes back into focus, and right there in Calum’s arms, swaddled in blankets, is a dog. 

“Oh! Rice Ball!” He scratches the top of her head. The softness of her fur is calming. This whole ordeal is extremely overwhelming. Also, why the fuck does Calum have a dog here at the crack of ass in the morning? And where is his shirt?

“She’s sick,” Calum says urgently. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Isn’t that her owners’ problem? Why do you have her?” Luke blinks in confusion. This fully still feels like a dream. Is that a tattoo on Calum’s collarbone? Jesus Christ. 

“You can stop messing around, Luke. I know you know.” 

“What do I know?”

“About Rice Ball!” 

Literally, what the fuck is going on? Luke has never been so confused in his entire life. At this point, he’d almost rather take being grilled by the Demon Sheep over feeling like an idiot in front of Calum. Actually, it’s kind of rude of Calum to act like Luke is the insane one right now. Luke is sleepy because he was sleeping. That’s what you’re supposed to be doing at 5 a.m.

“You know that I’ve been hiding Rice Ball in my room!”

“Um,” says Luke, reeling like Calum has just shoved him. Ooh, that’d be kind of hot. This is so,  _ so _ not the time. He has so many questions, but his brain is still buffering. “No I didn’t.” He drops his voice to a whisper. “Did you _ steal _ Rice Ball, Calum?”

“I didn’t  _ steal _ Rice Ball, Luke,” Calum whispers back aggressively. “She’s mine. You know this. I know you know this.” 

Luke feels his face briefly contort into some kind of weird grimace. Because, like, huh? Calum has a dog? Since when?!

“I definitely didn’t know that,” he says, trying to tell Calum with his eyes that he’s being sincere. Calum’s panic seems to melt a little; he stops wearing his shoulders as earrings and his face softens. 

“You didn’t?”

“No,” Luke says, and then he finally puts together why Calum’s really here. Sadly, it does not appear to be to make out. Unfortunate. “What’s wrong with her?” He leans in and studies Rice Ball more closely where she’s cuddled in Calm’s arms. God, he wishes that were him. 

“She threw up a few minutes ago.”

“And?”

“And she probably needs to go to the animal hospital or something! I don’t know!”

Calum paces dramatically in a circle, like the world is ending and he’s helpless to save it. Oh my God. Did no one bother to tell this boy that dogs throw up, like, sort of all the time? Okay, not all the time, but relatively frequently. Jesus Christ. He’s a helicopter parent. How dare Luke find this attractive. He bites back a smile and lays a gentle hand on Calum’s arm. His bare arm. It’s warm and muscular. Nice. Luke needs to be sent to horny jail. They are literally talking about a sick dog. 

“She threw up once?” he asks, trying to lower Calum’s anxiety with his voice, like Calum’s the sick animal, not Rice Ball. Who, by the way, looks fine. 

Calum nods. Luke can feel him start to take slower, deeper breaths. 

“Anything else? Like, other symptoms?”

“She seems upset,” Calum says. He studies Rice Ball with soccer-mom intensity. “She was shaking.” 

Okay. That is admittedly a bit concerning. 

“Can you set her down?” Luke asks calmly, reluctantly stepping out of Calum’s bubble. 

Calum obliges, and Rice Ball rolls out of her blanket burrito and bounces over to Luke. He drops to the ground to pet her, and she throws herself into his lap, settling down with a deep sigh. Drama queen. Maybe this whole incident was just a charade to get Calum to bring her to Luke. Luke has never loved an animal more. 

“She seems okay now,” Calum says, joining Luke on the floor. His beautiful smile has made its first appearance of the night? Morning? Whatever. It’s cute. Calum is cute. 

“Did she eat anything weird recently?”

“I don’t know.” Calum’s eyebrows furrow as he thinks. Luke notices. “I guess I did see her chewing on something she picked up off the sidewalk when I walked her last night.”

“Maybe she just ate something that didn’t agree with her, then,” Luke says. “It’s not that weird for dogs to throw up, especially if they get into something they shouldn’t.”

To Luke’s utter delight, Calum blushes. Holy fuck. Maybe being awake at 5 a.m. is not so bad. 

“Yeah,” Calum says, sounding actually embarrassed. “I probably overreacted. I’ve just never had a dog before, so it freaked me out and I didn’t know what to do.”

God that’s so fucking cute. Luke is going to combust. Who knew he had a thing for protective dog dads?

“How long have you had her?”

“A few weeks,” says Calum. He reaches across Luke’s legs and pats Rice Ball. His proximity makes the hair on Luke’s legs stand up. He prays that Calum doesn’t notice. 

“And you thought I knew?”

“I thought you saw her the first day I brought her back. You came to my room when I was on my way to take her out,” Calum says, and then he shivers. Shit, it is kind of cold in here. And as much as Luke likes shirtless Calum, he’d rather not have a Calum-sicle. Although, then Luke would have a perfect excuse to lick him. He’d start with the collarbone tattoo. But no. He’s not gonna let Calum freeze. Besides, Calum in Luke’s clothes sounds extremely appealing. 

Luke roots through his drawer and gets out the cleanest hoodie he can find. Calum pulls it on, and his hair gets all fucked up. Luke can feel himself smiling stupidly as he reaches out to fix it. Holy hell, his curls are soft. Calum’s dark eyes are trained on Luke’s face. They’re sitting So Close. This makes a far better dream than Demon Sheep. And this is real. 

“There,” Luke says quietly. “That’s better.”   


Then Calum crushes the sexual tension with a sledgehammer by sniffing the sweatshirt and calling Luke a Dirty Hoodie Boy. Which, like, rude. It’s not Dirty. It’s just not Clean. God, they were so close to kissing. They end up doing the second-best thing, which is chilling on the floor with Rice Ball, watching the sun rise slowly through Luke’s dorm room window. 

***

Luke opens his door and a giant plush doughnut smacks him square in the face, followed by a hoodie. Typical Tuesday. 

“I have presents,” says Calum’s voice. A little late. 

“Oh, thanks,” Luke says, trying ungracefully not to drop them. Jesus Christ. Calum should know by now that Luke has all the coordination of a blind newborn giraffe. 

“I was going to wash the hoodie, but then I figured - why bother, since it was already dirty when you gave it to me,” Calum says. Little shit. Luke should not enjoy being made fun of. If he’s being honest, though, he’d prefer a different kind of teasing. 

“I deserve that.” Luke examines the plushie. It’s really soft and it’s chocolate flavored. Or, like, it would be, if it were actually edible. “A doughnut?”

“As a thank you, for your help last night,” Calum explains. “Since you like pastries so much, I figured it made sense.” 

Okay. This is kind of odd. Normally people give gifts after receiving help if they don’t really plan on interacting with the other person afterwards. He thought that he and Calum were close enough they could be there for each other on a no-debt basis. But then, it’s possible Calum was just out and about and saw the doughnut and thought of Luke. Which would be really cute. But this encounter feels oddly formal. Luke is pretty sure he doesn’t like it. 

He gives Calum a nod, because what is he supposed to do? Reject a gift? Fuck no. At the end of the day, it’s a cute doughnut from a cute boy. Luke is going to treasure this stupid toy. But then Calum practically rockets back to his room, leaving Luke standing in the doorway, a lot confused and a little wanting to die. 

“Don’t be stupid. He’s clearly in love with you,” Ashton says over FaceTime that night. Luke huffs over the laundry he’s folding. He is not having it.

“Then why did he give me, like, a formal thank-you-see-you-never gift?”

“Did he actually say that? Has he said or done anything to make you think this was a weird breakup?” Ashton waits for Luke’s response with raised eyebrows. 

Luke is silent for a second as he does some social math. What has Calum done? He let Luke help him move in. He went with Luke to Jitter’s twice. He talked about condoms in the Target pet aisle. Hang on—

“Oh my God,” Luke says. “He was totally trying to get stuff for Rice Ball at Target and had to deflect when I showed up. I bet he didn’t even fucking need condoms! It was a ruse!”

Ashton nearly coughs up a lung laughing. Luke just stands in the middle of his room with his mouth half-open. 

“Oh, this is too fucking good,” Ashton gasps. “I can’t wait to tell this story at your wedding.”

“Shut up,” Luke says, unable to come up with a better comeback. Because Ashton has made several good points. Calum’s been nothing but friendly and funny, a little spacey, and a lot perfect. Fuck. Maybe this doughnut is actually just another act in Calum’s sweet streak.

Luke turns back to where he’s left Ashton on his phone, propped up on his desk. He doesn’t have to say anything; Ashton can see the change in his demeanor, even through the screen. 

“Told you so.”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it, you’re emotionally intelligent, or whatever,” Luke says “What’s a derivative?”

“Gesundheit.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse.”

“Pack it up, Mulaney,” Ashton says. “So now what? Back to the dick sucking plan?”

“No. Would you fucking drop that already? Jesus.”

“Dang, alright, it was just a joke, I didn’t mean—oh shit,” Ashton cuts himself off. A smile starts to grow on his face. Luke doesn’t like this at all. He looks like the Grinch in that part where the narrator says,  _ Then he got an idea. An awful idea _ . “You actually really like this guy.”

Luke splutters. “I don’t—well, I mean, he’s—but it’s not like—”

“Oh, Lucas,” says Ashton. “You’re so, so fucked, aren’t you?”

Luke groans, tossing his last folded shirt down and hiding his face in his hands. “I’m so fucked.”

“Hey, listen.”

“No.”

“Fuck you, look at me, I’m serious.” 

Luke peeks at Ashton through his fingers. “What?”

“I actually, genuinely think he likes you back.” Luke opens his mouth to interrupt. “No. Hear me out. You’ve been talking a lot and going on almost-dates and hitting on him and shit. If he weren’t interested, he would have said something by now. Dudes who aren’t into it make it known. And he hasn’t. So—”

Ashton looks at Luke expectantly. Luke’s mind is sprinting on a treadmill set to max speed. His heart is spinning in circles in a field. His body is fizzing with a lot of different feelings he’s kind of scared to name. 

“I—I’m not equipped to process this right now,” he says finally. “What do I do?”

“Exactly what you’ve been doing, I think,” Ashton says. He’s using his Calm Comfort voice. It’s working, as per usual. “Just keep being your adorkable little self. It seems to be working so far.”

Luke wrinkles his nose. “Never say that word again, thanks.”

Ashton winks. “You love me,” he says. “You’re gonna be fine, kid. Just let shit happen naturally, okay?”

“Okay. Yeah, okay. I can do that,” he walks over to his phone with Ashton. “Thank you. I do love you, Ashy.”

Ashton makes a face of extreme disgust. “Do not—”

Luke cackles and hangs up on him.

By the time Luke finally rolls into bed that night, he’s fucking exhausted. He’s opted to put on the hoodie Calum had just returned, because it smells like him, and Luke is a sadist. He pulls the doughnut to his chest and buries his face in it. The doughnut smells like plastic and Target. Lovely. 

He’s finally drifting off to sleep, so he rolls over onto his stomach—

_ SQUEAK! _

Luke stands straight up in his bed. Chest heaving, he looks around for the source of the loudest noise in the world.  _ What the fuck _ does not even begin to cover it. Is this what death feels like? He swallows his heart back into his sternum. What—

A thought suddenly occurs to him, and he looks down. The chocolate doughnut looks back up at him with nonexistent eyes, taunting him. He picks up one foot and tentatively steps on it, and as he draws his foot back—

_ SQUEAK. _

Oh my fucking God. 

***

“Why did you give me a dog toy?” Luke demands of Calum the next morning. Luke’s found him in the little grove of trees by the parking lot again. Rice Ball is sniffing around in the grass. 

“Fuck, Luke, why do you always sneak up on me back here! I thought you were a murderer!”

“Sorry,” Luke lies again. “Why did you give me a dog toy?”

“For Soy Sauce?” Calum says, looking at Luke like he’s a complete fucking moron. Which. Well, it appears that he is. Because obviously the dog toy was for the dog. Wow, he is challenged. How the hell did he get into college? Luke tries to bemoan his stupid predicament, but it’s so objectively funny that he starts laughing. 

“I shouldn’t tell you this—” he says, and immediately starts laughing again. Calum’s full attention is on him, and it’s making Luke’s stomach do cartwheels. “I thought it was, like.” He stalls for a second. He really doesn’t want to admit this, but he’s dug himself a hole. Time to lie in it, or whatever. “A plushie. For me.” 

Calum starts to laugh at him. Asshole. 

“You didn’t specify!” Luke complains. 

“I didn’t realize I  _ needed _ to,” Calum says. “It had a tag on it that said  _ chew guard technology _ ; what did you  _ think _ that meant?”

“I didn’t read the tag!” Luke whines. Reading? Absolutely not. Luke is a gay math major. He’s as illiterate as they come. 

“Wait,” Calum says. Oh no. Luke is already boiling with anticipated embarrassment. “Then how did you realize it was a dog toy?” Calum’s smile has never been bigger. Luke would probably enjoy it more if it weren’t at his expense. But then, that’s a lie. This way, he can take credit for it. 

Luke hears himself giggle. Gross. Time to tell enough of the truth to be funny but not so much that Calum never speaks to him again. “I was sleeping with it last night and I accidentally squeezed hard enough that it squeaked.”

Calum wheezes so hard he breaks the sound barrier. His eyes crinkle in the corners and Luke’s stomach soars. Even better, Calum’s put a hand on Luke’s shoulder to keep himself from literally collapsing with laughter. Luke laughs right along with him. He’s just so fucking cute. 

“You were  _ sleeping _ with it?” Calum asks, rubbing under his eyes, and Luke realizes he’s wiping honest-to-God tears away. “Were you  _ cuddling _ the dog toy, Luke?”

“Of course I was,” Luke says with mock indignance. He might as well know. “You gave it to me.”

“Now I feel bad,” Calum says. “It was pretty shitty of me to get a gift for you that’s technically for your parents’ dog.”

“It really was,” Luke says, dialing up his Sad Voice. This is a guilt trip. “Now I’m attached. I don’t think I’ll be able to part with my chew guard technology doughnut.” Actually, though, there’s no way for Calum to know if Luke never gives it over to Soy Sauce. So. Shh. 

Calum gives Luke a genuine grin that’s like cool lemonade on a hot summer day. “How can I make it up to you?” he asks.

A billion responses to that question flash rapid fire through Luke’s mind. He settles on the one that’s most PG. 

“Go on a date with me.” Luke watches Calum’s face intently, trying to ignore the way his insides have apparently taken up hang gliding. This is it. This moment makes or breaks operation Kiss Cute Kid Calum. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Luke says, letting the buzzing hope in his veins leak into his words. Also, what is this,  _ The Fault in Our Stars _ ?

“Yeah. We can go to Voodoo. I’ll get you your own doughnut,” Calum says. He holds out the hand not occupied by Rice Ball’s leash, and Luke takes it with a smile. 

***

“What flavor do you want?”

“Not chocolate. I’m still traumatized.”

Calum rolls his eyes. 

“You’re so dramatic.”

“Yes, and? I’m gay. Don’t be homophobic.”

Calum gives him an unimpressed stare. Luke grins cheekily. Joke’s on Calum: his You’re-Not-Funny face makes him look mean. And as previously mentioned, that’s hot. Point to Luke. 

“I can’t be homophobic. We are literally on a date right now,” Calum says. Luke beams at him. 

“Hell yeah, we are,” he says. “Now act like it and hold my hand.” 

Calum breaks, laughing and shaking his head. His exasperation is vastly undermined when he steps closer to Luke and threads their fingers together. 

“You still haven’t told me what flavor you want,” Calum says, bumping his shoulder against Luke’s. 

“The best flavor, obviously,” Luke says. He turns and looks into Calum’s eyes, silently counting down, three, two, one—

“Raised glazed,” they say in unison. Calum smiles, all crinkly-eyed. Luke grins back. This is fun. Hanging out with Calum is so much fun. Luke never wants to do anything else. Fuck a college degree, he wants to be Calum’s housewife. 

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” Calum says cheerfully. Then he turns to the girl behind the counter and orders for them. 

A warm weighted blanket settles across Luke’s shoulders, pressing him down, keeping the cold away. It could be stifling, but it’s not. It’s comfortable. Alright. This is chill. Whatever this is. Feelings? Oh God. Luke watches Calum struggle to get his wallet out of his pocket without letting go of Luke’s hand. The blanket burns hotter. Maybe Luke should unpack this more.

“What table do you want?” Calum asks, zapping Luke back into his body. Calum’s holding a bag of doughnuts in the hand not holding Luke’s. 

“Corner booth,” Luke replies. Duh. Obviously. That way, they can sit next to each other, and he can be as close to Calum as possible. This is of utmost importance. They slide all the way into the corner and get situated, with Luke on Calum’s right. They’re still holding hands. Luke feels fantastic.

“Hey,” says Luke as Calum hands him a doughnut. “Can we talk about how you’ve been hiding a small mammal in your two-square-foot dorm room for, like, two months?”

“Okay, first of all, it has not been that long,” Calum says defensively. “Secondly, I took her on walks! You watched me come and go from more than half of them!”

“Oh my God! Is that why you always looked so harried half the time?!”

“That feels like the wrong word. I’d say more, like, panicked. Extremely paranoid.” 

“And I’m the dramatic one?” Luke says indignantly. “I had absolutely no fucking clue you had a whole ass dog. And it’s not like I wasn’t paying attention. Because I definitely was.”

Smooth, Hemmings. Luke takes a large bite of doughnut to shut himself up. He chances a glance at Calum and finds him looking a little pink cheeked. Ayo, maybe that was smooth. 

“Yeah, I know you were paying attention, that’s why I was so fucking on edge,” Calum says. “I think I might actually have gray hairs from this harrowing experience.”

Luke reaches up with his hand that’s not covered in doughnut glaze and ruffles Calum’s curls a bit.

“Nah, no gray,” he says. And then, because why not, “but it’d be sexy if you did.”

“You’re so fucking weird,” Calum says, like it’s the highest compliment. And it is. 

“So,” says Calum. “Remember that time you helped me move in my Charlie Puth cutout?”

Luke heaves a deep reminiscent sigh. “That was the day I knew,” he says, batting his eyelashes at Calum. “I looked into Charlie’s cold cardboard eyes, and it was love at first sight.”

Calum snorts into his doughnut. Luke smirks victoriously. 

“Dickhead,” Calum says, turning to look at Luke. Oh my God. He’s got glaze on his nose and sparkles in his eyes. He’s never looked so edible. 

“Hang on,” says Luke, laughing. “You’ve got glaze—”

He swipes his thumb over Calum’s nose, and Calum scrunches his face a little in response. Luke’s chest is a vat of hot oil. He could swallow a raw doughnut and spit it out well done. Suddenly Calum’s face feels extremely close. Luke is reminded of that force he felt back in Calum’s dorm on day one, a charged gravitational pull that’s back with a vengeance, tugging on his every atom. It’s making him lean forward steadily, closer, closer. Calum is breathing softly and tilting his head and closing his eyes, and then they’re kissing. 

Holy fuck, they’re kissing. 

Calum tastes like sweet deep fried goodness. He hums a little against Luke’s mouth, and Luke feels his brain turn into a pile of rainbow sprinkles. Calum gives him one last little kiss and pulls away. They’re sporting matching breathless grins. Luke is floating. He squeezes Calum’s hand that he’s still holding between them. Calum squeezes back. 

“You taste like doughnut,” Calum says. 

**Author's Note:**

> come find us on tumblr [@staticsounds](https://staticsounds.tumblr.com) and [@cringeycake](https://cringeycake.tumblr.com).


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